Friday, 27 July 2007
Quite a lot has happened to me since my last entry. The time has flown by and I have had a medical problem which saw me in hospital for 24 hours. A problem with my heart was picked up by my GP during a routine visit for a pneumonia injection. This led eventually to my brief stay in hospital for a pacemaker to be fitted. I am still coming to terms with this. I have never been one to visit the Doctor regularly. In fact I never go to the Doctor! I have always considered myself indestructible and have been far to busy with life in general to think about my health. During the waiting period for the operation I was told that I would feel so much better when it was completed and it was a 'new lease of life'. I have not found this to be true. I have turned into what I consider to be some kind of 'wimp'. I am overly nervous about almost everything. I now have a scar on my chest and a visible bump where the battery has been fitted. I fluctuate between being as high as a kite and deeply depressed and cry at the drop of a hat. I don't feel any better than I did before in fact I feel worse. The slightest little twinge makes me think I am going to have a heart attack and my scar is uncomfortable and at times painful. This all makes me sound ungrateful and probably very self obsessed but that is not true. I have a wonderful GP who has probably saved my life with his attention to detail and the Hospital staff were great and were very thorough in their care for my 24 hours with them but I can't help feeling that maybe I was happier in my sublime ignorance than I am now. I am hoping that this is a temporary state of mind and that I will come to terms with what has happened to me in the course of time. I know that things could be a million times worse and I am truly thankful.